Discernment Counselling in the Comox Valley
When one of you wants to work on the relationship and the other isn’t sure.
This isn’t couples counselling. This is a structured process designed specifically for this situation: where one partner is leaning in and the other partner is leaning out.
What Makes Discernment Counselling Unique?
Typically when couples come in for counselling, there is an assumption that both are committed and invested in making the relationship work. Discernment counselling doesn’t make that assumption. The goal is clarity; not reconciliation. It’s to help each person better understand the relationship and themselves so they can make a thoughtful, informed decision about the future.
Discernment Counselling is Brief
There are a maximum of 5 sessions. It follows a focussed and structured process that includes time together and time with each partner on their own.
Throughout the process, couples are choosing between 3 paths:
Path 1:
Maintain the Status Quo
Leaving the relationship as is; choosing to neither divorce nor do couples counselling.
Path 2:
Separate/Divorce
With more clarity and mutual understanding than before.
Path 3:
Commit to Couples Counselling
A genuine, informed decision to work on the relationship for six months. Each partner works on a personal agenda for growth and change. At the end of the six months, progress is reviewed and a decision to continue or transition out of the relationship is made.
The Discernment Counselling Process:
1. Phone Screening
A brief call with each partner to determine if discernment counselling is the right fit. Each partner is required to reach out on their own to schedule this call.
2. First Session
This 2 hour appointment includes time together with both partners responding to specific questions, to help clarify where each person is at, as well as some individual time.
3. Subsequent Session(s)
These 90 minute appointments are mostly individual work. Each partner has 40 minutes on their own and then 10 minutes of together time where insights are shared. During this time they inform the other person if they want to come back for another session. The individual time is where the real discernment happens.
4. A Decision
At some point, within 5 sessions, each partner arrives at a clear and confident sense of what direction they want to go.
What Discernment Counselling Can Provide
- More clarity and confidence in a decision about the future of your relationship.
- More understanding of what has happened to your relationship and the part each of you has played in the problems.
- A strategic plan to couples counselling if you decide to work on the relationship.
- A personal agenda for growth for a new relationship if you decide to end this one.
A Path to Clarity
The goal is not to make things better but to decide if they could be better.
Discernment Counselling in a Nutshell
The initial commitment for the couple is simply the first two-hour session. During this session, each person decides separately if they want another session, up to five maximum.
The goals are clarity and confidence in a direction for the marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to the marriage and each person’s contribution to the problems.
Contact me to begin the process of gaining clarity about your relationship and making the best decision for your future.